


Physical Dependence

by OpalTheFluffmaker



Category: Heavy Rain
Genre: Angst, Drug Withdrawal, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Norman lacks a sense of self-worth, Past Drug Use, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-14 05:13:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15381411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OpalTheFluffmaker/pseuds/OpalTheFluffmaker
Summary: Norman is forced to deal with withdrawal in the middle of the night. Can he get through it on his own without bringing it to Ethan's attention? Is that really the wisest course of action for him right now?





	Physical Dependence

**Author's Note:**

> Another Jaydars fic I wrote some time ago ;u; I hope it's good!

Norman woke up in the middle of the night feeling like shit. The feeling wasn’t anything new or different, but no amount of times he went through this would make the experience any easier.

It started out as only a headache, faint enough to ignore at first, but gradually growing more intense in a matter of minutes and getting to the point where it felt like his entire brain was pounding inside of his skull, causing him to wake up with a pained groan. His eyelids fluttered as he looked up at the ceiling, trying to think of a way to get his bearings, when he could feel the nausea rising within him. Another symptom of withdrawal he had to put up with on a nearly regular basis, and yet it felt just as awful as the first time it overtook him.

The profiler bit his lip to muffle another groan, and he turned himself around to look at his lover sleeping next to him. He didn’t want to wake up Ethan like this, especially since the nightmares and anxiety he had been facing were keeping him up at night already. The father had enough things to worry about without him, and Norman knew that if he could handle it on his own before, he could survive through it alone again. He just had to take it easy, be as gentle on himself as he could, try to keep his breathing steady and his composure in tact…

Another wave of nausea washed over him, and at the same time he began to tremble, the shakes beginning with his hands as they always did. He moved a bit further away from Ethan as he shivered, doing his best to prevent a single sound or movement from awakening him. He thought about getting up from the bed to get to the bathroom, a place where he could let it out if he needed to and where the risk of disturbing his partner was all but absent. But the headache felt like it was weighing him down, as if someone had taken out his brain and replaced it with a boulder, and the rest of his body already felt so exhausted and weak. And even with how dark it was within the room, Norman could still see how blurry his vision was getting, silhouettes of the furniture in the room mixing in together and becoming increasingly difficult to distinguish. What would happen if he tried to get up?

Norman moaned as the sickness in his stomach grew worse, and he started to gag a little, trying his best to keep it down. He had no choice but to drag himself to the bathroom across the small hallway as fast as he could, all without waking up Ethan or Shaun. Even if he wanted to give into the pain of his addiction—a few whiffs of Triptocaine and all the sickness would disappear—all the tubes were tossed out the window and flushed down the toilet, and he valiantly refused any more doses of it sent by his superiors, with Ethan’s encouragement aiding him every step of the way. Ethan wasn’t awake to encourage him now, but Norman knew it wasn’t worth it to stir him. He had to get clean, for him and Shaun, and he had to accept the consequences by himself.

_Jeez, physical dependence is a bitch…_

Slowly, he inched himself towards the end of the bed, bringing his shaky leg over the edge to gently set down on the floor so he could ease himself into a standing position. He moved as carefully as he could, scooting closer and closer...

And then he dragged his foot across the carpet a little too quickly, causing him to slip and fall out of bed. He was sent to the floor and crashed right on his face, the fall accompanied by a highly noticeable _thud_ that Norman was sure had roused Ethan from his slumber.

As expected, he heard the architect sit up on the bed with a gasp, and only a second after he heard him softly call out his name.

"Norman...?"

The younger man tried to pull himself up, hoping at the very least to make it to his knees, but his body was giving out and it was made clear to him that he wouldn't be getting much further without assistance.

"What's going on?" he heard Ethan ask, along with the sounds of him scooting to his side of the bed to look him over. He could hear the obviously worried tone in the older man's voice, even with how groggy he was from just waking up. "Are you feeling okay...?"

And right at that moment, Norman's body decided to give into the nausea. He threw up on the floor, shutting his eyes in disgust as it was right in his face. Shame washed over him right then and there--he would've given anything to keep Ethan from seeing him like this.

"Oh...h-hang on, Norm, I'll help you."

He heard Ethan climb off the bed, followed by the sounds of his hurried footsteps and only a couple of seconds later he felt his partner hoist him up off the floor, holding him in his arms with as much tenderness as he could summon--and because it was Ethan Mars, that was quite a lot. It took all of his strength to pull himself together, to hold in anything else that threatened to come out as Ethan helped him get on his feet and kept an arm around his torso to support him as they walked.

"Withdrawal?" Ethan asked. Norman hated that this had become a common enough occurrence for him to be able to ask just like that.

Knowing that no coherent response could come out of him, he nodded. Luckily that was good enough for Ethan, and the blue-eyed man gazed over at him softly as he opened the door for them both. "Don't worry. I'm going to help you through it."

He guided him out of the bedroom and into the bathroom, and brought the two of them down into a sitting position by the toilet. As Norman leaned in closer to the bowl, he could feel one of Ethan’s hands holding his hair, while another hand was gently rubbing his back in an attempt to soothe him. He let out everything else that was coming up from his stomach, squinting in pain as he felt his throat burn in the process of it all. He moved away from the toilet and ducked his head downward once he was done, trying to catch his breath.

“Do you feel any better?” Ethan asked, still rubbing his back.

Norman nodded in response and started thinking of the other things he had to look out for. The nausea was gone now, but he still had the other symptoms to deal with. He knew he still wasn’t up for talking just yet.

“Maybe you should take a shower,” the architect suggested as he helped him up to his feet once again, trying to keep him steady. “You said before that that usually helps you, right? And it’ll help you wash off…well, you know.”

The profiler nodded again, and pulled the dirty white t-shirt off of his body, while Ethan helped him slip out of his grey sweatpants. It almost felt crazy to Norman, just how comfortable he had grown to be about stripping in front of another man in not even a year. Of course, this was not a circumstance where the stripping was _fun_ …but Norman really did appreciate that Ethan was willing to help him through it.

_Even though I don’t deserve his help._

Once out of his dirty clothes, Norman stepped into the shower carefully, turning the water on at a cold temperature to help himself relax and recover. As he stood under the falling water and got himself cleaned up, he realized that he hadn’t faced any hallucinations yet. He wondered if they were going to kick in soon. The thought of being brought back into places that didn’t exist, unable to feel Ethan’s touch…

————

A sniff was heard from the shower as Ethan prepared a couple of towels. Was Norman crying in there?

He put the towels down by the sink and went back over to the shower, leaning against the door of it so he could listen for any call for help from his lover. He wanted nothing more than to join Norman and hold him close and give him as much comfort as he could, but he understood that he needed his space. He didn’t want to set off any nausea again by applying too much pressure on his body.

“Can you talk, Norman?” Ethan asked.

There was silence on the other end for a moment or two, causing the worry he was feeling to rise up within him. Then he finally heard a soft murmur in reply.

“Y-…Yeah…”

“Are you crying?” Ethan moved his hands so they were pressed up against the glass. “How much does it hurt?”

“It hurts…I-It hurts like hell…” There was a tremble in Norman’s weakening voice as he spoke. “But I guess i-it’s what I deserve…I got myself into this…”

“You _don’t_ deserve this,” the father reassured him, trying to get a look at his lover’s face through the fogged-up glass. “You deserve anything _but_ this. None of this was in your control—you shouldn’t have to feel sick on a daily basis.”

“Ah’m sorry I-I got you into this sh-shit, Ethan,” the profiler managed to choke out. “I-I wanted to keep this quiet…didn’t wanna disturb you or Shaun…”

“I’m actually glad you ended up waking me, Norman. Do you think I _want_ you to suffer through this alone? I keep telling you it's never any trouble if you need my help..." Ethan began to feel like crying himself--how could his partner keep saying things like this? It was nights like this where he felt like Norman didn't fully realize how much he truly loved him.

"Y-You go th-through so much already. H-How can I ask you...?"

"You of all people should know that I would do anything for my family." Ethan's voice grew firmer as he told him this. He didn't want to sound harsh, not when Norman was already feeling bad, but he did want him to know that he was completely serious.

The next several minutes were silent, with the younger man not saying anything else. Ethan spent the time preparing a damp towel to cover the stains on the bedroom floor with, getting clean clothes for Norman, bringing up a large bowl from downstairs for if Norman felt like throwing up again, and running cold water under a washcloth in case Norman needed it during the night, all while listening for Norman in case he was ready to get out, or feeling nauseous again, or just wanting to talk some more.

By the time the architect got back to the bathroom after setting up the bedroom, he heard the shower being turned off and the door to it open up, and he saw Norman stand in the doorway, keeping himself balanced by leaning slightly against it.

_He looks so miserable,_ Ethan thought to himself with deep concern as he wrapped a towel around his lover. _I want to take all the pain he's feeling right now and destroy it, make it so he doesn't have to feel this way again...Hell, if I could, I'd trade places with him and go through these symptoms every day if it meant he didn't have to..._

With how soaking wet he was, it was hard to tell what moisture on Norman's face was from the shower water, and what was from his tears. The older man noticed his sclera had reddened a bit, indicating that he had actually cried fairly hard while he was in there.

_I'll never know how he can be that quiet when he goes through this..._

"How do you feel now?" Ethan asked, tenderly wrapping his arms around his partner's shoulders.

"A...little bettuh," Norman murmured. Anyone could tell from the agent's voice that he was exhausted. "The--The showah helped me c-cool down quite a bit."

"Let's get you back to bed," Ethan said, gently leading Norman to the door. "I'll take really good care of you, Norman--I promise."

Norman looked at him with the first smile he had seen on him all night. A sad one, but a smile nonetheless. "You already are, E-Ethan."

They made it back to the bedroom and Ethan helped Norman get into a fresh change of clothes, then led the both of them to the bed and gently pushed his lover to get him to lie down on the mattress.

"I don't want you to keep this to yourself again, okay?" the blue-eyed man told Norman softly. "It'd hurt me to find out that you were dealing with this on your own." He leaned downward to place a kiss onto Norman's forehead. "I love you too much to let you do that. So please wake me up next time it happens. And don't feel like a burden for doing so."

"But...Ethan..." The profiler sounded so tired, as if it were taking a fair amount of effort for him to stay awake and keep talking. "Y-You...You've got enough going on...w-without me interferin'. Between your anxiety, a-an' your blackouts, h-how can I..." His voice faltered in the middle of his sentence, but he quickly picked it up again before Ethan could interject. "...h-how c-can I ask you to go through th-this wi-ith me...?"

Ethan reached out to softly cup the side of Norman's face, his thumb beginning to stroke his cheek in an attempt to soothe him. "Just because I have problems of my own doesn't mean yours are any less valid, Norm. And I know _you_ wouldn't allow _me_ to keep them a secret, even if it meant you lost sleep over them." He paused only to lean in closer and plant another kiss, on the bridge of his lover's nose this time, before speaking up again. "This is what comes with loving someone...opening up about your problems and trusting them to help you with them."

"I _do_ trust you with--"

"I'm not saying that you don't. I'm saying that you also need to trust me when I tell you that I'll always be willing to help you."

Silence filled the air for a moment as the architect noticed a thoughtful expression cross Norman's features, before it was replaced by a look of apprehension mere moments later. But despite the furrowing of his eyebrows and slight nervousness in his eyes, his body was finally losing its tension, relaxing under Ethan's touch.

"Right," he answered softly, gently breaking the silence that had formed over the past several seconds. "Ah'll...try to be bettuh about that."

"I know you will." Ethan planted another kiss upon Norman's cheek before moving away from him, then made his way to the other side of the bed so he could lie down next to the younger man. "By the way, you're not going to work tomorrow."

Norman immediately opened his mouth to protest, as Ethan knew he would, but he placed an index finger right up against his lips before he could say anything, giving him a teasing smirk. "Don't think you can convince me otherwise, Norm. I know your career's important to you, but your well-being is more important to me." Ethan pulled the covers up over himself and his lover, moving his finger away from Norman's face as he did so. "So you're going to take the day off tomorrow and get some well-needed rest. And I'll be right here to help you, okay?"

Norman gave an exaggerated sigh out of mock defeat as he let the architect take him into his arms once more. "Dammit, Ethan...you know I can't say no to you."

Ethan let out a soft laugh, which in turn brought out a warm smile that lit up the agent's face. He squeezed him gently, careful not to be too hard on him.

"Glad to hear it," he responded, leaning in closer to rest his head against the green-eyed man's. "Good night, Norman...let me know if you need anything else."

Norman shut his eyes and shook his head, cuddling up closer in Ethan's embrace. "For now, I...I just need you to stay here with me. I-In case I...well…hallucinate…”

Though he knew he wouldn't see now, Ethan gave a calming smile. "Of course. I'd always do that for you."

Both feeling secure and content in each others' presence, the two men slept well for the remainder of the night, with no other disturbances to keep them awake.


End file.
